VOTE or.....else?

As of right now the polls are still open in most of the country, and we have yet to see who the big winners are. But I can already tell you who lost big this election day: P. Diddy. Four years ago he lead the pathetic charge to get people to the polls, and tonight people are voting in record numbers in spite of his absence. Apparently all we needed were an additional battlefront, a failing economy, a candidate with some personality, and to lose the words "or die" from the slogan.

Story Time

Ok, it is seldom that anything that happens to me gets directly retold on this here internet. But this one is too much to keep to myself.

Monday night my roommates came home late from a bar where they'd been celebrating somebody's birthday. They brought back a friend, let's call him "Archie." Archie was going to crash on our awesome denim couch. Fair enough. G'night guys.

By 1:30am everybody was sacked out in their respective sacks, and I wandered into the bathroom to take out my contacts. While I was doing this I heard somebody rustling around in the kitchen, and what sounded like the oven door being opened and then water running. Ok, I know everybody is already down for the night. Who is baking?

A quick investigation was met with Archie, peeing into our oven. I checked that sentence, it came out like it was supposed to. He was peeing into our oven. The only words I could find were "What the hell?" and I haven't come up with anything better in the days since. The rest of the evening was spent barricaded in my room with my toothbrush and other valuables. When there's a drunk guy in your house who can still walk but can't differentiate between a toilet and major appliances, you don't take that sort of chance.

Hooligans

Dear sir, who stomped down my Obama '08 lawn sign on Saturday night:

Well done. The result of your actions is that I will go get another lawn sign and my candidate's campaign will have another $5 in its treasury. Thbthbthb.

Love,
Not redneck enough to pull that sort of shit, but redneck enough to consider booby trapping lawn sign v2.

PSA: Traffic Circles

It appears that people are once again in need of my services. Unfortunately, those people are probably not the ones reading this. Oh well, the better to amuse me during the coffee break, I suppose.

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Egads, man, a traffic circle of +4 confusion doth approach! What to do?
There are basically two states of being regarding traffic circles: In the circle and not in the circle. Whenever you change from one state to the other, you are merging. Merge, fool. Do not plunge. Do not dart. Do not bisect. Neither shalt thou count two whilst chatting with your friend, excepting that thou then proceedeth your arse out of the intersection.

Simple? Done.

Return of the List: Things Not to Cheap Out On

Pretty self-explanatory. Don't cut corners on the following items, since if you need them you'd really like them to *work*

Parachutes
Bullet-proof vests
Condoms
Survival knives/blankets/kits
Airbags
Flashback Arrestors
5-second fuses
Fire extinguishers
Deadbolts
Various Self-defense items
Blessed Folders


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list in progress! help!

Filler. Creepy Filler.

Yeah, it's been a while. Here, watch this and wonder what the hell with me. Also, I just lost the game.

Suck Electricity!

No, not like running the a/c with the window open kind of suck electricity. Think "eat lead, sucka!"

We have a fly problem at the new place. We have dogs, but we're pretty good about scooping the poop, and that doesn't seem to be the root of the problem in any case. There are just a ton of those bastards on the lawn, windows, walls, lights, and anything else handy at any given moment. The options for dealing with this are limited, partly due to having dogs and not wanting to poison them. So, I opted for a fly trap, the kind that's sort of like a wasp trap where they fly in and can't fly out. Florida, I think they call it. badum ching!

The fly trap had some pretty surprising results, and also made me realize just how big this fly problem is. I'll spare you the detailed images (partly because my mom said I would be labeled 'terminally weird' if I put said images on the internet. Yes, I still hang out with my mom. Get over it.) but here is the trap:
Now, imagine that filled top to bottom with fly bodies. I'm guessing there are a couple thousand in there, and it took about a week and a half to fill. I don't even know what to do with the trap, I think I might burn it or send it into space. Currently there are maggots making their way to the top, and I don't care to speculate too deeply about if they were laid or just busted out. Anyway, you should come visit my bag of flies, and probably take it home with you.

Clearly the fly trap is way goddam effective. yeesh. But there are some downsides...is it attracting the neighbor's flies too? And more importantly, the 'bait' in the trap has a smell to it that reminds me of a rotting animal. Well, at this point it could actually be that, since there are thousands of fly bodies in there. But the point is that it smelled that way from day one.

Yesterday I got paid, and today I bought an electric bug-zapper lamp thing. So far there have been a few gratifying pops, and possibly some of me flinging insect insults at, um, bugs. Hey, you'd join me if you had 20 bites on you right now and some damn thing buzzing around your ears.