Didn't get that memo eh?

Here we are, year 2009 a mere 3 years shy of the predicted apocalypse and living in the age of information. Somehow, between email, google, wikipedia, spellcheck, and other lightning fast info sources, we still have people living in caves. Undisciplined, yes-men filled caves.

Think back to the last time you went to the airport. Guaranteed that somebody in line tried to bring an economy sized bottle of shampoo and 8 gatorades through the security point, and was completely flabbergasted when they were told by the dude in the homeland security getup that it was not allowed. Regardless of how absurd you think the rules are, they've been the rules for years now. It's right up there with no smoking on the plane. Google it. Ask somebody. Turn on the news. something.

In 2006 the FCC announced plans to terminate analog television broadcast in 2009, meaning that people with old TV's still relying on rabbit-ears to get their signal would have to get a digital converter box, which is free with a government subsidized program. Easiest thing in the world to target this audience - just play the above information once in a while on the six and a half channels that you still get on broadcast. Bam, done. And yet somehow, 3 years wasn't enough time for people to call the hotline and do something about it, and now 5.8 million unprepared households want an extension. And here I was assuming it was old people, but from the sound of things it includes a fair number of slacker college kids.

Then you have your suspiciously plentiful pile of sub-average internet users who insist on typing everything in all caps. This is the most painfully confusing demographic I've ever discovered, and I suspect that it was created by a government think tank to hurt my head. One would assume that a member of the 'internet' who is well informed enough to use a 'computer' and construct a craigslist/ebay/forum post would get a clue about the all caps thing. One would be wrong, and go to bed early dreaming of variations on the Geico cavemen commercial.

Not My Problem

The following is a list of things that are piled up outside the stairway to my office building. None of them are mine.

-Two 40 gallon drums of 95% and 100% Ethylene. It ranks just south of "hella flammable" on the burn-o-meter.
-An ever changing tidal line of leakage from said drums.
-Approximately 50 cigarette butts.
-Some leaves.
-A 1950's era refrigerator door.
-A plastic tampon applicator device thingy.
-A pile of inside out (presumably used) latex gloves.

why would you ever do this?

If you were to ask me, the man on the blog street, what I love to hate most, you might surmise from pretty much any of these posts that it's stupidity. And, while that does get my undies in quite an untidy bunch, general stupidity is usually pretty aimless. The rub is that it's so damn general. Anyhow, there are worse offenses: aggressive stupidity, such as trying to run me over with your pickup truck while a-hootin and a-hollerin, and professional stupidity, where you're just being plain negligent at the thing you supposedly do well.

For today's example we turn yet again to the traffic circle. They're all the rage these days, everybody who's anybody is installing them. A quick hint though: If you build a bike specific traffic circle, and make it a really small radius one for whatever reason, it'd probably be best not to put super slippery metal utility covers right in the middle of the path.

Bikewatching Guide - Saddles

While observing bikes, keep an eye out for seat/saddle choices. The saddle is a very intimate decision, as it ends up shoved firmly into your junk, and saddle decisions can tell you a great deal about the rider.



The Freebie
Made of plastic. You plant your butt on it and move your legs around. What?



The Vintage
Primarily leather and springs, vintage saddle users are a mix of those who are willing to break in a stiff leather surface to fit their butts and those who can't be bothered to upgrade the heap that their bike came with.



The Minimalist
I've taken to sewing a chamois into all my pants for comfort on and off the bike.



The Sofa
Elephantiasis of the saddle is a serious affliction wherein the seat dwarfs the vehicle. Distant cousin of the seagoing barge.



The Hackeroo
Somewhere between innovative and a duct-tape-residue-on-your-ass-all-the-time-could-be-difficult-to-bail-out bad idea.



The Eunuch
Seriously, go buy a new seat.



The Banana
Science has so far only identified 'nostalgia' as a good reason to have one of these.



The Tractor Seat
A mere backrest away from being a lounge chair. Often seen as a fine idea until one realizes that bicycling involves use of the legs.



The Probe
Careful how you sit down on this one.



The Reverse Butt
What could be more comfortable than sitting on a mirror image of your butt?



The Sponge
Not much of a seat but great for absorbing rain, bird poo, and personal accidents.



The Neglected Bike
'Neath all that poo it's weeping quietly. I'm laughing outwardly, so I figure it's a wash.



The Cover
Often seen in cases of rain or sponge. 99.5% Effective as a form of birth control.



The Critter
Richard Gere joke!



The Entrepreneur Special
Somebody paid money for this.



The Backwards Idiot Seat
Hey guys check it out! Bikes have been developing for 150 years, but look at what an innovator I am! Hurr hurr hurr. These seats hold the distinction of being both very rare and waay too common. While I've never actually seen anybody actually riding one, the only way I can figure it works is as abdominal support while supermanning the whip:


*Also acceptable in cases of backwards ass.



The Not-so-subtle Gel Padding Placement
Because you obviously decided you needed a soft spot just there, and are going to make sure everybody knows it. You also make obnoxious comments in movie theaters and have something printed on the butt of your pants.



The X-rated
Will support your undercarriage to feed its coke addiction



The Complete Lack of Seat
At least has the decency to plug up the hole in the bike.

ho hum

Thoughts of the moment:

I forgot that yesterday was Ash Wednesday and it wasn't until the 4th sighting that I realized that no, there aren't just a lot of people with weird forehead birthmarks out today.

No matter you stand on wearing intentionally torn jeans, can we all just agree that wearing pants with a tear in the crotch and a pile of loose threads hanging down is either stupid or an attempt at being provocative which resulted in being stupid?

How is it that so many people on craigslist can own a computer and a digital camera and yet be unable to spell basic words like "dollar?"

real post coming soon, hopefully before Feb is out. Hope you're a fan of bike observations.

Why do I....

ah, it's been a while. I'm once again resorting to linking out, but methinks this one is worth it:

http://i.gizmodo.com/5152141/google-proves-humanity-is-sick-and-sad-yet-absolutely-hilarious

Has anyone made this joke yet?

As we all heard a passenger jet taking off from LaGuardia on Thursday lost power and ditched in the Hudson. The running theory at the moment is that the plane hit a flock of Canada Geese which fouled the engines like only bowling ball of a bird can do. The question on my mind - why wasn't President Bush's last act in office to declare it an act of terror and invade Canada?

Hurrrrrrr. Go Obama.