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Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Fender Update
In theory we have a few months for potential rain left, but right now skies are looking pretty damn clear and aside from kicking up the inevitable allergy-induced snot pools, it looks like bike fenders may be obsolete for the season. Since the PSA I've spotted several more bikes worthy of the stupid fender category. I guess my single-digit readership isn't helping spread the word like I'd hoped. Oh well, I tried.
No.
Wrong again. What the hell is the point of this?
No.
Wrong again. What the hell is the point of this?
Sigh...
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Big Fish in the Puddle
Sandbagging happens. People like to win. I don't need it explained to me, it's fun to be top dog, yada yada. What I don't understand is taking the win day after day without ever accepting a real challenge. Clearly I am getting at something here.
I play on a D league softball team. D is the lowest division, and somewhere between few and none of us know what we're doing. Remember how in T-ball there were more base advances due to overthrows than base hits? Yeah, that's us. Sometimes we hit happy hour at the pizza place before or after the game, and by and large nobody gets too down about playing poorly. Like I said, D league recreational slow-pitch softball.
Since we started playing last year, there has been a team in our league who just beats everybody, hands down. Living shit kicked out, pride stepped on, bases run. Today they beat us 30+ to 1.
Dear other team, what are you doing in D league? There are plenty of other divisions that play at the same field on the same day. C, B, and A leagues to name a few. I'm not sure exactly how competitive they are but most notably they are not the lowest possible league. Is it fun showing up and crushing the teams that came to enjoy themselves and play ball despite not having played in college? Is it actually necessary to wear batting gloves and that thing on your forearm to prevent tennis elbow? Must you talk shit to our pitcher if you don't like the way he's tossing it? Fuck off, you didn't even call small baby bouncies.
I mean fuck. The world has competitive people in it, but what we're talking about here is not competition. Competition is trying hard and beating somebody who put up a fight. This is the point where I bring up the oft-used paintball parallel. My home field is chill as hell. We go out and miss the first game while talking to the field owners and shoot our friends and taunt them if we know them well enough and then break for lunch. Some days the usual suspects are few and the new guys are many. If we wanted we could bring out our super tournament guns and put some serious hurt down. The problem is that we have this aversion against being complete douchebags (sandanas and obsession with shooting games aside). The regulars all gun down to handicap themselves and make it more interesting, both for the new guys and for the guys who have been playing for a decade. And sometimes the new guys shoot me all day, and hey, thems the lumps. Gonna play guns you might get shot
Ok, I'm going to get off this particular soapbox now....that other team is still a pile of stupid heads, though.
I play on a D league softball team. D is the lowest division, and somewhere between few and none of us know what we're doing. Remember how in T-ball there were more base advances due to overthrows than base hits? Yeah, that's us. Sometimes we hit happy hour at the pizza place before or after the game, and by and large nobody gets too down about playing poorly. Like I said, D league recreational slow-pitch softball.
Since we started playing last year, there has been a team in our league who just beats everybody, hands down. Living shit kicked out, pride stepped on, bases run. Today they beat us 30+ to 1.
Dear other team, what are you doing in D league? There are plenty of other divisions that play at the same field on the same day. C, B, and A leagues to name a few. I'm not sure exactly how competitive they are but most notably they are not the lowest possible league. Is it fun showing up and crushing the teams that came to enjoy themselves and play ball despite not having played in college? Is it actually necessary to wear batting gloves and that thing on your forearm to prevent tennis elbow? Must you talk shit to our pitcher if you don't like the way he's tossing it? Fuck off, you didn't even call small baby bouncies.
I mean fuck. The world has competitive people in it, but what we're talking about here is not competition. Competition is trying hard and beating somebody who put up a fight. This is the point where I bring up the oft-used paintball parallel. My home field is chill as hell. We go out and miss the first game while talking to the field owners and shoot our friends and taunt them if we know them well enough and then break for lunch. Some days the usual suspects are few and the new guys are many. If we wanted we could bring out our super tournament guns and put some serious hurt down. The problem is that we have this aversion against being complete douchebags (sandanas and obsession with shooting games aside). The regulars all gun down to handicap themselves and make it more interesting, both for the new guys and for the guys who have been playing for a decade. And sometimes the new guys shoot me all day, and hey, thems the lumps. Gonna play guns you might get shot
Ok, I'm going to get off this particular soapbox now....that other team is still a pile of stupid heads, though.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Mustache March
One of my friends does this thing - Mustache March. It's actually pretty self explanatory. In the month of March you grow out the hair on your upper lip. For some reason I find myself participating. This proposition is particularly exciting, or perhaps terrible, because I am more or less incapable of growing a proper mustache. Most of the time this doesn't end up mattering much since I am not really mustache inclined. But dammit, it's mustache march and we've got to do something!
Mustache watch, day 3: Stache is well on the way to skeevy. I don't have anything growing in the center, so really what we have is two little stachelets. It is also quite sparse. I expect to become more and more hermit like as the month goes on and I can't stand to be seen in public.
I've actually taken carrying a Bic razor in my bag. Just in case I can't stand it and the stache needs to be taken care of right freakin now. I'm already flirting with that point. Just as well, because with this abomination on my face I'm not flirting with anything else.
Mustache puzzler of the day: There is a style of bicycle handlebar called a "mustache handlebar," named for its resemblance to the facial adornment. There is also a type of mustache called a handlebar. Wrap your mind around that time bomb!
Mustache watch, day 3: Stache is well on the way to skeevy. I don't have anything growing in the center, so really what we have is two little stachelets. It is also quite sparse. I expect to become more and more hermit like as the month goes on and I can't stand to be seen in public.
I've actually taken carrying a Bic razor in my bag. Just in case I can't stand it and the stache needs to be taken care of right freakin now. I'm already flirting with that point. Just as well, because with this abomination on my face I'm not flirting with anything else.
Mustache puzzler of the day: There is a style of bicycle handlebar called a "mustache handlebar," named for its resemblance to the facial adornment. There is also a type of mustache called a handlebar. Wrap your mind around that time bomb!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Restoring my faith in youtube
If you search "paintball" on youtube you get 42,200 results. 42,000 of them are of some kid demonstrating his setup and how fast it can shoot and how cool the green accents he put on there look. I don't know what possessed me to click on a link to "Autococker 15bps (balls per second)," but I did. Just a glutton for punishment I guess. This time, however, I struck gold.
Monday, January 14, 2008
PSA - Bike Fenders
Well this space is fast becoming a documentary of me acting like a know-it-all snob, but there are some things I just can't stand. People misusing things in stupid and less effective ways is chief among them.
This is your bike fender. You spent $15 on it so you don't end up with the freshman racing stripe painted on your ass when there are puddles on the ground. Congratulations, I applaud your purchase, and your resolve (or lack of automobile) that keeps you riding through inclement weather. Now let's go over how to use this thing:
Your back tire is kicking up mud and water. You would like it to not hit you in the back. You install a 3 inch wide piece of plastic between you and the tire. The tire is 2 inches wide and your back is 14 inches. Well, my back is, and I don't really care how muddy you get.
If you place the 3" fender right next to your back, all you've done is protect a 3" wide strip of your back, leaving an impressive 11" inches of you spattered in mud and leaving people behind you wondering who that skunk kid is. This would classify as a poor use of 15 bones, in my book.
On the other hand, lets say you put the fender closer to the tire instead of close to you. The downside to this is that you no longer look like you're sporting a hefty radio antenna on your ride. The upside is that mud isn't going to hit you. period. Here, I drew a diagram. It's all about cutting down the angle that mud can fly off the tire at.
Granted, the majority of crap will fly off the tire in the same plane as the wheel, since the wheel is spinning on a fixed horizontal axis. Go search centripetal force on wikipedia, I don't feel the need to explain it. However, there are other forces at play here, and unless your fender is placed in an idiot-proof spot, you will be branded an idiot. Until you wash your clothes, at least.
Ok, that was a lot of words. Now here are a lot of pretty pictures for you visual learners:
OK Fender
What happened, couldn't kick down for an entire fender?
I just plain don't get this one. Maybe some sort of winglet for aerodynamic stabilization?
This is your bike fender. You spent $15 on it so you don't end up with the freshman racing stripe painted on your ass when there are puddles on the ground. Congratulations, I applaud your purchase, and your resolve (or lack of automobile) that keeps you riding through inclement weather. Now let's go over how to use this thing:
Your back tire is kicking up mud and water. You would like it to not hit you in the back. You install a 3 inch wide piece of plastic between you and the tire. The tire is 2 inches wide and your back is 14 inches. Well, my back is, and I don't really care how muddy you get.
If you place the 3" fender right next to your back, all you've done is protect a 3" wide strip of your back, leaving an impressive 11" inches of you spattered in mud and leaving people behind you wondering who that skunk kid is. This would classify as a poor use of 15 bones, in my book.
On the other hand, lets say you put the fender closer to the tire instead of close to you. The downside to this is that you no longer look like you're sporting a hefty radio antenna on your ride. The upside is that mud isn't going to hit you. period. Here, I drew a diagram. It's all about cutting down the angle that mud can fly off the tire at.
Ok, that was a lot of words. Now here are a lot of pretty pictures for you visual learners:
OK Fender
Overkill Fender
Stupid Fender
What happened, couldn't kick down for an entire fender?
I just plain don't get this one. Maybe some sort of winglet for aerodynamic stabilization?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Dear Friends....
If I get shot in the grill and end up with orange paint up my nose, it is your responsibility to tell me so when we get back to the cars. It was there for four hours and nobody said anything. It actually dried during that time. Thanks guys.
-me
-me
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