Menace in the Kitchen

Ive never been much for cooking, but today I was feeling adventurous and decided to make a shake, completely sans instruction. Got Daves blender down off the shelf, threw in some fruit, some ice cream, some ice, some milk..that sounds about right. Then the wheels fell off.

For whatever reason nothing was mixing, so I decided to pick up the blender while it was on and shake it vigorously. In short, everything literally came apart, the lid came off, the glass part went flying, bounced off the counter, smashed a spare fruit that was sitting by the microwave, and then landed upside down in the trash can. The base kept clattered back down and kept making a noise for a few seconds until it finally quit, either out of some built in fail-safe or crippling damage. My shake ended up distributed amongst a good portion of the kitchen.

Since Ive lived here Ive made 3 attempts at cooking that havent involved something instant or plain pasta, and one of those resulted in some paper towels catching fire, and another resulted in a severely warped cookie sheet. The other one just produced bad food and dirtied every dish we own. For stroganoff.