Thursday, March 22, 2007

Only so Complicated...

If you only had one job and you'd been doing it professionally for years and years, you'd think you'd be fantastic at it. Hendrix could play an out of tune guitar and bend the strings to bring it into pitch. Old machinists can feel a screw with their fingers and tell you the thread pitch, and identify what type of steel you're working with by the sparks it throws when you hit it with a grinder. Professional truckers can back up trailers with free pivots in a smoother arc than I can drive my car. Meter readers can go to an apartment complex and read 8 meters at once, and work out the math in their head on the way to the next stop. They say we only use 11% of our brains, and I'm betting the other 89% is there for adaptation (and good ol' laziness).


So why can't a shopping cart company make a cart with 4 wheels that touch the floor? How is it possible that after 25 years cd cases still suck so hard? Why can't the vending machine lady load the snacks so that they actually fall out when you order one? Is it really possible that this entire rant is because of a stuck bag of skittles?

Monday, March 12, 2007

God Gives Man Earwax

Here you go, man, a wax for your ears. No need to apply, it will just sort of occur naturally. This will not affect you and you may not even notice it for quite some time, since you will not have anything proper to stick in your ear for thousands/millions of years, depending on who you listen to. In the future it will become a nuisance when it gets on your headphones and generally grosses people out. Around the same time somebody will invent a swab to clean your ear with, and then immediately tell you not to use it in your ear. For now, if you are fortunate to live long enough to grow ear hair, it will hold it down nicely so that it doesn't blow all willy-nilly when you're running after something. And put on a loincloth, for the love of me.

It's really been quite slow at work.