Oh, Sweet Boredom

I bought a pair of crossbows on the internet today. God Bless America! And capitalism! Yes, crossbows, like the sideways bow and arrow thing with a trigger. Our intent is to convert them to shoot paintballs instead of arrows, because a) we are some industrious and humorous fellows, b) what do we ever do that isnt motivated by paintball these days, and c) why the hell not. A couple weeks ago I hollowed out a pod and hid an air horn in it, and when the time was right I busted out the horn and scared the poop out of some dude instead of blasting him with the traditional gelatin encapsulated pellet. And yeah, that was fun, and obnoxious at distances of up to a mile, but this...well, you dont want to be the poor sap who gets bunkered with a crossbow. Youd never live that shit down.

The online store I got these things from claims to be a purveyor of self-defense equipment. Let us consider the practicality of defending your home or your person with a toy eff'n crossbow, and then let us chortle for a bit. The same store also sells ninja stars*, lockpicks, surveillance and night vision equipment, and a belt buckle that converts into a knife. The only possible conclusions are that either this is in fact not a self-defense store at all, but rather a nerd shop, or that it is some sort of store for ninjas.

Now I will admit to being a fair nerd myself. Im on myspace, for fuck sake. To some extent you have to kind of embrace the inner nerd. When you go to school surrounded by thousands of other nerds of various calibers, the bar drops real far. Its more of a speed bump, really. But I draw the line somewhere well before spy equipment and a knife concealed above my crotch. Evidently crossbows are right on said line, which I wouldnt really have thought, but I promise not to use them for their intended purpose**. Thats got to be worth a few points.

*Thanks to some dude who ventured into town from the river, Ari and I both know that throwing stars are illegal in California. We also know the fear of some guy from the river pulling out a big knife and waving it around while ranting some shit about throwing stars.

**The intended purposes of toy crossbows are to hunt wild chickens and potentially shoot your eye out, as near as I can figure.

--Epilogue--

After I posted this, this guy requested to be my friend. He sells stun batons, rings that shoot pepper spray, and gloves with steel shot sewn into the knuckles so that when you punch somebody the world explodes. They also would go well with my shoes. so....does anybody know how to make it so the blog isn't searchable by keyword?