Story Time

Ok, it is seldom that anything that happens to me gets directly retold on this here internet. But this one is too much to keep to myself.

Monday night my roommates came home late from a bar where they'd been celebrating somebody's birthday. They brought back a friend, let's call him "Archie." Archie was going to crash on our awesome denim couch. Fair enough. G'night guys.

By 1:30am everybody was sacked out in their respective sacks, and I wandered into the bathroom to take out my contacts. While I was doing this I heard somebody rustling around in the kitchen, and what sounded like the oven door being opened and then water running. Ok, I know everybody is already down for the night. Who is baking?

A quick investigation was met with Archie, peeing into our oven. I checked that sentence, it came out like it was supposed to. He was peeing into our oven. The only words I could find were "What the hell?" and I haven't come up with anything better in the days since. The rest of the evening was spent barricaded in my room with my toothbrush and other valuables. When there's a drunk guy in your house who can still walk but can't differentiate between a toilet and major appliances, you don't take that sort of chance.

Hooligans

Dear sir, who stomped down my Obama '08 lawn sign on Saturday night:

Well done. The result of your actions is that I will go get another lawn sign and my candidate's campaign will have another $5 in its treasury. Thbthbthb.

Love,
Not redneck enough to pull that sort of shit, but redneck enough to consider booby trapping lawn sign v2.

PSA: Traffic Circles

It appears that people are once again in need of my services. Unfortunately, those people are probably not the ones reading this. Oh well, the better to amuse me during the coffee break, I suppose.

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Egads, man, a traffic circle of +4 confusion doth approach! What to do?
There are basically two states of being regarding traffic circles: In the circle and not in the circle. Whenever you change from one state to the other, you are merging. Merge, fool. Do not plunge. Do not dart. Do not bisect. Neither shalt thou count two whilst chatting with your friend, excepting that thou then proceedeth your arse out of the intersection.

Simple? Done.

Return of the List: Things Not to Cheap Out On

Pretty self-explanatory. Don't cut corners on the following items, since if you need them you'd really like them to *work*

Parachutes
Bullet-proof vests
Condoms
Survival knives/blankets/kits
Airbags
Flashback Arrestors
5-second fuses
Fire extinguishers
Deadbolts
Various Self-defense items
Blessed Folders


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list in progress! help!