Story Time

Ok, it is seldom that anything that happens to me gets directly retold on this here internet. But this one is too much to keep to myself.

Monday night my roommates came home late from a bar where they'd been celebrating somebody's birthday. They brought back a friend, let's call him "Archie." Archie was going to crash on our awesome denim couch. Fair enough. G'night guys.

By 1:30am everybody was sacked out in their respective sacks, and I wandered into the bathroom to take out my contacts. While I was doing this I heard somebody rustling around in the kitchen, and what sounded like the oven door being opened and then water running. Ok, I know everybody is already down for the night. Who is baking?

A quick investigation was met with Archie, peeing into our oven. I checked that sentence, it came out like it was supposed to. He was peeing into our oven. The only words I could find were "What the hell?" and I haven't come up with anything better in the days since. The rest of the evening was spent barricaded in my room with my toothbrush and other valuables. When there's a drunk guy in your house who can still walk but can't differentiate between a toilet and major appliances, you don't take that sort of chance.