Since I started playing paintball in 2001 I've been plagued with gear problems. My first paintgun, a tippmann (known to be more or less bulletproof) suffered from wild velocity fluctuation. Turned out to be a cracked power tube. My next gun, an autococker, fell victim to not only the normal host of troubles that accompany a highly adjustable gun owned by an idiot with a wrench, but such new and exciting problems as not being able to thread a barrel into the body and having a bolt seize in the top tube. For those of you who don't speak paintball, this is somewhere on the order of finding out your skateboard has transmission problems.
Next gun was an Angel. I don't even want to talk about it. The first motorized loader I bought, also marketed as bulletproof, died when the battery terminals decided they didnt want to be springy anymore. The second loader broke no less than three times, between the feedneck, the loader lid, and the shells. At one point I went on vacation for a week and left it sitting on my desk, and when I came back it had committed suicide - the battery door had shattered into 3 pieces from the forces associated with staying closed.
Last year during a practice in Santa Clara, the top of my newest gun peaced out mid-game, taking my hopper and some of the gun body threads with it. A photographer captured the moment for all to enjoy. Note that the hopper is still feeding even as it flies away. Something works!
Currently I own four tournament grade guns, having already sold off most of the aforementioned ones. There is no really good reason that any normal person should need this many guns. In a given day, you might possibly require a backup gun when something awful happens, but two is generally considered plenty. I bought the fourth gun because the first three had a bad case of gremlins. Two with some sort of bolt problem (the 'general malaise' of paintball), one with board trouble, one with eye trouble, one with low pressure regulator problems, one with crazy shootdown for whatever reason, and with wicked bolt stick. For those of you doing the math at home, a few of these paintguns are not doing well.
Those close to me generally agree that I need to find a sport with less equipment. I considered taking up running, figuring that even I could avoid shoe malfunctions. This idea ended up flopping for two reasons. One, I hate running. Two, the human body could be considered the necessary equipment for running, and I'd hate to have a leg to fall off mid-stride. I decided, for reasons that I now know better than to believe in, that cycling would be a good compromise. Its an aerobic sport, you get to go somewhere to distract you from the unpleasantness of getting tired, and all you need is a working bike. Cycling, it turns out, can demand more gear than
cog collecting.
The road bike has a few creaking noises to it, but on the whole it more or less works. My fixed gear, on the other hand.... a fixed gear is the simplest bike you can make. No shifters, no freewheel (the ratcheting thing that allows you to coast), brakes optional. Its a frame, 2 wheels, and some pedals. At the moment I'm having major problems with the pedals.
Should I fear using equipment more than I do? Possibly. My job requires me to operate machinery that is plenty capable of taking a finger or an eye, and while paintgun malfunctions suck, bike malfunctions hurt. I'd go hide in a cave, but caves are prone to collapse.
The last thing I did before posting this blog was grab a toothpick from the toothpick jar. Out of probably 200 toothpicks, mine was the only deformed one with no point on either end. Is it tomorrow yet?
