Bikewatching Guide - Saddles

While observing bikes, keep an eye out for seat/saddle choices. The saddle is a very intimate decision, as it ends up shoved firmly into your junk, and saddle decisions can tell you a great deal about the rider.



The Freebie
Made of plastic. You plant your butt on it and move your legs around. What?



The Vintage
Primarily leather and springs, vintage saddle users are a mix of those who are willing to break in a stiff leather surface to fit their butts and those who can't be bothered to upgrade the heap that their bike came with.



The Minimalist
I've taken to sewing a chamois into all my pants for comfort on and off the bike.



The Sofa
Elephantiasis of the saddle is a serious affliction wherein the seat dwarfs the vehicle. Distant cousin of the seagoing barge.



The Hackeroo
Somewhere between innovative and a duct-tape-residue-on-your-ass-all-the-time-could-be-difficult-to-bail-out bad idea.



The Eunuch
Seriously, go buy a new seat.



The Banana
Science has so far only identified 'nostalgia' as a good reason to have one of these.



The Tractor Seat
A mere backrest away from being a lounge chair. Often seen as a fine idea until one realizes that bicycling involves use of the legs.



The Probe
Careful how you sit down on this one.



The Reverse Butt
What could be more comfortable than sitting on a mirror image of your butt?



The Sponge
Not much of a seat but great for absorbing rain, bird poo, and personal accidents.



The Neglected Bike
'Neath all that poo it's weeping quietly. I'm laughing outwardly, so I figure it's a wash.



The Cover
Often seen in cases of rain or sponge. 99.5% Effective as a form of birth control.



The Critter
Richard Gere joke!



The Entrepreneur Special
Somebody paid money for this.



The Backwards Idiot Seat
Hey guys check it out! Bikes have been developing for 150 years, but look at what an innovator I am! Hurr hurr hurr. These seats hold the distinction of being both very rare and waay too common. While I've never actually seen anybody actually riding one, the only way I can figure it works is as abdominal support while supermanning the whip:


*Also acceptable in cases of backwards ass.



The Not-so-subtle Gel Padding Placement
Because you obviously decided you needed a soft spot just there, and are going to make sure everybody knows it. You also make obnoxious comments in movie theaters and have something printed on the butt of your pants.



The X-rated
Will support your undercarriage to feed its coke addiction



The Complete Lack of Seat
At least has the decency to plug up the hole in the bike.